What is it called when you look at what life has to offer and you see nothing. There is no hope and no glimpse of a meaningful future? You look at your past and wonder if it was worth anything or if you just wasted the last 39 years of your life in an existence that is going nowhere. I have to look hard and long into my past and I find a nugget, a glimmer of something worth wild. Old friends who are now distant and new friends close by. Memories are hard to come by, its getting harder and harder every year to remember my youth, both the good and the bad. The void this causes is overwhelming and it impacts my current state of mind. It makes me look into what my future might hold and I see nothing but a black void.